Missing persons

I feel I have to apologize for not writing something, anything this past week. I have eaten a ton of chocolates, played solitaire by the hour and written nothing for a week. It is not just this blog, but the paper that is due tomorrow for my class at PUC that is causing my distress.

The paper due is for the section on literary discourse. It is not that I haven't read all the material, done Internet research to clarify the definitions and had my basic idea for over a month - it is that I can't seem to put my mind in order. To combine the concepts learned (well discussed) in class with my idea, is what is driving me to overdose on chocolate. We have gone over (I almost said 'learned' again) so many concepts, written so many papers and made so many presentations that the ideas are overlapping and instead of getting clearer are becoming jumbled. I simply can not find the words to make this paper mine. This is a blow to me - I always have words - but to put the literary work of Hemingway within the context of literary discourse and corpus linguistics is driving me MAD!

Where is Rosemary that is my real question? Have you heard from her? I know she is on a roof top in Rio planting flowers but where is she??

More thoughts from the veranda

CAUGHT BETWEEN TWO WORLDS

There is a clear distinction in my mind between expat wives and myself. Some of the day to day problems are the same. Lack of language skills, name substitution (cuts of meat, spices, types of flour, which shampoo, MAKEUP!), the constant need to find new friends, and just the need of getting general directions, all add to both our day's feelings of 'disassociation'.

I feel that being expat means temporary assignments, it means your children and husband travel with you, it means that you know the people you meet and learn to love are temporary in your life, while I feel my situation is a lifetime of change from what I knew.

In my first photo, in the extreme left is the building where I worked in Houston on the 23rd floor. The photo brings memories of laughter with the other 'girls' as we walked to lunch. It brings memories of days 7:30 - 5:30 filled with problems to solve and tasks to accomplish. It brings memories of night classes, and lectures on the arts, history or architecture that I was always attending. It brings memories of who I was. It reminds me that I am sitting on a fence watching the ships go by while the rest of the world is learning and growing and changing their lives. It reminds me that I have to find ways of keeping busy that maybe I will learn and grow from - but mainly I will be busy. It reminds me that I am not fully a part of this world and no longer a part of the other - that I am caught between two worlds.

full moon

You haven't seen anything until you have seen a full moon from the balcony of our house. Last night's display was fantastic. I took theses photos just for you. They aren't the best but will give you an idea of what you are missing. I know that everyone deserves lights but the string of yellow light you can see at the bottom of each photo are the 'street lights' that were strung about 4 months ago along the dirt road that leads back into the forest. For those that walk home at night along this trail of ruts and holes are probably thankful - but for me it is just another example of progress with unintended consequences - we no longer can sit and star gaze because of the glow from the new ground light. It didn't stop my enjoyment of the full moon though, hope you like it also.
gingerv

thoughts from the veranda

I have been spending a week in Friburgo and four days now I have been totally alone. It can be a period of vast 'aloneness' and at moments, that feeling is almost debilitating. (Don't tell Camillo, but yesterday I spent the day in my pjs and only ate popcorn and watermelon) Today as you can tell I am much better. The hardest part of living in a foreign country is that your family is not here. Their days are abstract for you, not real, not involved. My mother is 86 years old and beginning to fail. I should be there, talking, laughing, enjoying her. My grandson will graduate from high school this coming June. I may not be there. He competes in motocross and I have seen only one competition (I have to be honest I won't go to another - I can't stand it) My Granddaughter, in this photo with my mother when she was five, is now going to be 12. I don't have a photo of her from the past year. What is their life, Their thoughts, Who are they now? No matter how beautiful the view, no matter how many churrascos you enjoy with friends, this is what you miss when you are alone in a foreign land.
gingerv

More cows

Dressed to kill! shopping in Ipanema. That is not what the plaque says, this is my own interpretation.

Yesterday I took photos of two more and this morning I think I deleted them from my camera by mistake... I will have to go back today only in the rain, to try again.

I wonder a the lack of sense of humor in some people. They become so enamored with themselves that they forget to laugh. There are two brass sculptures of famous men, (I know not who) one at the end of Leblon and one sitting on a bench on the beach in Copacabana. I heard that the one in Copacabana was joined by one of the COWS - and some dry and humorless citizen made such a fuss that they removed it. Just what was wrong with a beautifully dressed lady joining him on his - public - bench enjoying her morning newspaper?

The beauty and the beast

Now that we have changed to daylight savings time, it is light until about 7 pm (1900) and I am walking to class at PUC in the evenings. There is one area that is very congested with people waiting for the bus and I did not feel comfortable walking through the area when it is dark so I was taking the Metro bus. When walking, I always see things that catch my interest, entertain me if you will. Rio is now having some type of competition of designer COWS. About 4 years ago we had the same type of show in Houston - they are quite entertaining and thoughtful. This young lady (Carioca girl?) struck a cord with me. It is could say women are superficial or it can say that you can be beautiful even with fat thighs and black spots if you take pride in yourself - you have to think yourself beautiful.

Waiting Part 2

Swallow
Reddish-bellied Parakeet

while waiting for spring to arrive, spring the way I remembered from my childhood in Northern USA, I think spring Brasil style arrived. Today I woke to the songs of what sounded like a thousand birds. Yesterday, Camillo caught a swallow sitting on the veranda. Our friends and neighbors the green parakeets are back. They try every year to get back into the house and sit and screech at us in frustration when they can't. Our mom and pop team (maybe wild pigeons) are still waiting for their chicks. She has been sitting the next now almost 3 weeks, he stays close by. I haven't seen it happen but he must be feeding her for she never leaves her post. Yes, sometime while my back was turned, spring arrived in subtle ways, now we wait for the rains to come.

Today was cloudy, and windy. Last night we had thunder and lightening, this morning there were clouds in the valley, a sure sign of an increase in humidity, but we have yet to have rain. I can hear thunder again, keep your fingers crossed.

GingerV